you dream of a man who understands you. does he exist? is there a male on this earth who sees your innate need to pick up hook and yarn in your worship of the art of crochet? he will see your passion, nay thrive on it, observe your natural instinct to dive deep into motif and rounds. he will watch, admiringly content to sit shotgun as your soul ascends higher to crochet heaven.
your dream fades as you hear over and over again,"why do you do that?" over the superbowl crowd static year after year as those who do not know pass in and out of your romantic life. the voice is always different, but the tone is the same. puzzlement, impatience, jealousy that you spend time doting over sc, dc and hdc, rather than his needs. another one bites the dust. at least you know how to eliminate them now; you are kind to conserve their time, their energy, rather than leading them on to think that you are a girl who would put a fella before crochet.
then you find yourself in a magical place. one that you are not sure really exists. could this be real? perhaps it was that second glass of wine, or you fell asleep in the middle of a row again, your counting guiding your dreams. he is watching you, complimenting your hands, your artistry, your dedication. he is actually impressed with your skill and (gasp) asking you to teach him how to crochet! could this be it? are you one step closer to your dream? he grins boyishly and shyly looks down at the work in your hands. he tenderly tells you he wants to make you a birthday gift!
you envision the quiet, comforting tones of soft music, the only words between you are those of counting as he gently weaves the fibers into a scarf for you, a pair of slippers for your dainty feet, a masculine sweater to drape over your welcoming arms. you accompany him to the local yarn shoppe and help him choose just the right yarn for this gift of affection. it is to be a secret – even better. what a find! what a man!
weeks pass, and he has kept this grand secret, never letting you see, dodging your inquiries, building the surprise. he has provided one hint – you wear it on your head. a hat! images of him struggling through a pattern in the round, thinking only of your warmth and comfort. the effort, the devotion, it makes your heart flutter. your birthday approaches, and you envision a cute cap, complete with crocheted brim, perhaps accented with a lovely sparkly button or delicate crocheted flower. he presents his labor of love, your hands quiver as you unwrap this, what is sure to be the only chapeau you will ever wear from this moment on: